A new study recently published by Oregon State University revealed a shocking statistic: 40% of couples interviewed gave conflicting answers when asked if they had agreed to monogamy! This statistic is alarming, as it indicates that almost half of young couples are not competently discussing the issue of monogamy. Even more alarming is that in 30% of relationships where both partners agreed to be monogamous, at least one partner had broken that agreement! There has always been a difference of opinions as to whether or not a monogamous relationship is healthy or even possible. Some people believe that it is impossible to have sex with only one person, and that it is not human nature to do so. These people may have the capability to be in a committed, loving relationship, so long as they are not forced to abstain from having sex with other people outside the relationship. Other people believe that having sex with more than one person will inevitably lead to feelings of jealously, and will make any relationship unstable even if both partners have agreed that they will not be monogamous.

This new study goes beyond the debate of whether monogamy is healthy or even possible, beyond the issue of cheating partners (although it does provide an alarming statistic that 30% of young people have cheated!) and speaks to a bigger problem: that couples are not communicating effectively. Couples in all new relationships grapple with the decision as to whether or not they are monogamous. However, this decision should be clearly communicated to each partner. It doesn’t seem to difficult to agree whether you are or are not going to be allowed to have sex with other people, however, young couples do not seem to be having this important discussion. It seems as though today young people are simply assuming that “exclusive” means “monogamous.” Many people believe that monogamy expresses love and intimacy. However, not everyone shares this believe, and therefore is it imperative that young couples have an open discussion about what exclusivity honestly means to them.

The disagreement between partners as to whether they have agreed to be monogamous seems to be directly related to the level of commitment each partner expresses. In the Oregon State study, the couples that agreed they had agreed to monogamy generally cited a higher level of commitment to each other than the other couples. Married couples were less likely to report a disagreement about whether they had agreed to monogamy. One potential indication of this data is that young people are more comfortable talking about sex with each other as their relationship grows. However, many warn that this is dangerous because it is couples in a new relationship who need to have honest and open discussions about sex due in order to avoid giving or receiving a sexually transmitted disease. Some researchers worry that this new data shows that, despite numerous safe-sex campaigns, young couples are still engaging in risky sexual behaviors.

If nothing else, this new study opened the eyes of many people who just assume that, because they are in an exclusive relationship, they are in a monogamous relationship. This is good news because it will encourage young people to be aware that their partner might not share the same opinion as themselves, and will hopefully pave the way to more conversations amongst couples about the subject of monogamy.